First, I want to say that even if I disagree, I'm filing all of this away for future reference, because even though I think so much of defining "good" writing is subjective, if there's an overwhelming trend of similar comments then obviously that's a problem area. *g*
1) sometimes I have to dodge your adjectives to get to the action
Okay, it just cracks my shit up that two people have mentioned adjective abuse, because that's the main thing that's stylistically different between my RPS and my FPS, but the FPS -- despite its lack of adjectives -- doesn't seem to get any better reception.
Also two people have pointed out what they consider to be problems that, to me, are things necessitated by some aspect of the story. Kaneko pointed out the slow start of Stop, Rewind, (re)Play, which, IMO, was necessary for the repeating-day plot device, and you pointed out the more distant nature of Pull, which is the only omniscient POV story I've ever written; as omniscient, it has to be a little more distant. (Besides, that was a tricky story. I had to be able to sneak the ending up on the reader without them feeling like I'd cheated. *g*)
it strikes me as an aside by the narrator and not essential to the storytelling
Again, I'd say it's informing the reader right up front what to expect from the POV of the story: external omniscient. However, I'm absolutely willing to admit that I did a crap job with the POV; I've never been happy with my attempts at omniscient in the past, which is why I'd never finished one until Pull.
But if you can combine your actions with the emotions they are related to? That would be the loveliest thing ever.
*headdesk* Sometimes I hate writing.
Okay, so I need to focus on the emotions of the characters. I'm probably not going to do that by replacing excess adjectives with adverbs, though, because IMO adverbial excess is just as bad as adjectival excess. *g*
I really appreciate the critique, and I'm going to look at your in-depth edit of Pull now.
p.s. this is a fabulous idea, btw -- ok if i steal the concept?
no subject
1) sometimes I have to dodge your adjectives to get to the action
Okay, it just cracks my shit up that two people have mentioned adjective abuse, because that's the main thing that's stylistically different between my RPS and my FPS, but the FPS -- despite its lack of adjectives -- doesn't seem to get any better reception.
Also two people have pointed out what they consider to be problems that, to me, are things necessitated by some aspect of the story. Kaneko pointed out the slow start of Stop, Rewind, (re)Play, which, IMO, was necessary for the repeating-day plot device, and you pointed out the more distant nature of Pull, which is the only omniscient POV story I've ever written; as omniscient, it has to be a little more distant. (Besides, that was a tricky story. I had to be able to sneak the ending up on the reader without them feeling like I'd cheated. *g*)
it strikes me as an aside by the narrator and not essential to the storytelling
Again, I'd say it's informing the reader right up front what to expect from the POV of the story: external omniscient. However, I'm absolutely willing to admit that I did a crap job with the POV; I've never been happy with my attempts at omniscient in the past, which is why I'd never finished one until Pull.
But if you can combine your actions with the emotions they are related to? That would be the loveliest thing ever.
*headdesk* Sometimes I hate writing.
Okay, so I need to focus on the emotions of the characters. I'm probably not going to do that by replacing excess adjectives with adverbs, though, because IMO adverbial excess is just as bad as adjectival excess. *g*
I really appreciate the critique, and I'm going to look at your in-depth edit of Pull now.
p.s. this is a fabulous idea, btw -- ok if i steal the concept?
Absolutely! Feel free.